I Shall Believe
by bethanybabes
Summary: Haley has been abused by her foster brother since the age of 14, this is the story of how she found an exit, which turned into safety, which turned into love and hope of a better future.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

Have you ever suffered abuse at the hands of someone? Haley James was just 14 years old when she was hit for the first time, 16 when she was touched inappropriately for the first time and 17 when she was raped for the first time. 18 when she found hope for the first time.

In a constant struggle with life, depression overtook Haley like a truck hitting a kitten on a motorway. She would spend hours at night, standing in the middle of the street in the quiet town of Tree Hill, wishing that something would come along which would end her life for her. She prayed to God that he would put an end to her life and what was happening to her. She could speak to no one; she was disgusted with herself and knew that the blame lay at her door. Maybe if she wore a skirt that was slightly lower in the hem – maybe if she wasn't such a tease that day when she wore a little bit of mascara. She hated every inch of herself, and wasn't entirely sure what to do. She wished that her parents hadn't agreed to take on the troublesome teen five years ago. She knew her parents thought that they were helping Carl out when they took him on, but they had no idea how much pain that they had inflicted upon Haley after this decision. Why should they after all? Carl had turned out to be the perfect foster son, he got good grades and went to medical school. He came home every two weeks to visit, although Haley believed that it was to get something from her instead.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter One – Believe**

She lay there as he crept into her room, having being satisfied that her parents were asleep, Carl would always come to her this way. He never asked permission, and he never pleasured her. It was also delivered in a business manner and Haley had become used to it. Maybe this was all it would ever be. As he shoved his hard penis into her, Haley felt the familiar pain shoot through her body. It was a pain that she had become used to, and she just turned her head and looked at the wall. He pushed himself in and out, and Haley closed her eyes, willing herself to sleep. This ordeal was always horrible, but it was always over quickly as Carl never had much stamina. He climbed off her, and left the room, without even saying so much of a thank you or a goodnight. Haley made her way to the bathroom, and cleaned herself up before heading back to her room. She pulled out her diary from under her bed. She put another line next to the tally that she kept at the back of it. It was an exact tally of how many times Carl had raped her. She counted them at the beginning, but now she had just lost count and the only proof she had was this tally in the back of the diary that her best friend had given her.

x

She awoke the next morning to her alarm going off, and she quickly hit the off button before getting up and dressing for the last day of school. This was it; this was the day where her life changed. She didn't have a clue what she was doing for the rest of her life, and her place of sanctuary was soon to disappear, along with her best friend who was starting Duke University to study English in the fall. She grabbed a slice of toast from the plate her Mom had left her, and headed out to the bus where she jumped on and sat next to Lucas; her best friend.

"Hey Hales!" Lucas said, pulling his headphones off of his head, and smiling at her. Haley looked at her friend with blond hair and blue eyes. His cheeky smile always made her feel safe, but today it couldn't. She had been dreading this day for the whole year, willing the year to be as slow as possible. She realised that she had zoned out, and Lucas was still chatting away. "...so yeah, Nathan's coming for graduation! So you'll get to see him this afternoon."

Haley's heart jumped at the sound of Lucas' brother's name. Haley had always had a massive crush on Nathan, and before Nathan had left two years ago for college, a relationship had nearly emerged. However, Carl's advance in abuse soon put a stop to this, as Haley was left damaged and insecure, scaring Nathan away. Although they had remained good friends, it had never been the same, and Haley had been honest when he had left for college that autumn.

x

Nathan straightened his tie in the mirror, nervous about seeing Haley for the first time in two years. He had never got over her, she had never realised but before they got together he had fallen in love with her, and the way she changed in one night, was the strangest thing – scaring him away. He had regretted being a coward, knowing that something, deep down was wrong with the beautiful girl that he loved. He couldn't believe that he could have been so stupid as to run away, when she clearly needed him the most. Two years on, Nathan knew he was stronger, and he was determined to win her back. Hence why he was back for the summer, he was determined to find out the root cause of why they never happened.

"Nathan, you ready?" He heard his mom Deb call up the stairs. Lucas was only Nathan's half brother, but there were such amicable links between the families that they even spent Christmas together. Karen, Lucas' Mom, was even married to his Uncle – Keith, unfortunately, Dan – Lucas' and Nathan's dad was nowhere to be seen, but everybody preferred it that way.  
>"As ready as I'll ever be" He mumbled.<p>

x

Haley looked out among the crowd, she saw her parents and then she saw Carl, she looked away quickly, just looking at him made her sick. Her light blue gown was baggy on her now frail body and she relooked over her valedictorian speech, nerves really kicking in.

"And now for our valedictorian – Haley James" She found her feet lifting her up and walking her onto the stage, and she looked ahead, searching for a friendly face that wasn't sat next to her abuser, and she found Nathan.

x

He was shocked at how thin she had got, she had never been plump but this was a strange look. He wondered why Lucas didn't appear to be worried about her. She had a gaunt look about her, like the wind could just blow her away. He glanced over to her parents, watching as they looked on so proud of their daughter as she delivered a brilliant speech. He saw next to them her foster brother Kyle...no Carl! He shivered as Carl looked back at him. There was a strange feeling within Nathan as he glanced away, like there was something wrong with Carl, that there was more to meet the eye.

x

"Well done little Bro – You did brilliant!" Nathan said, clapping his hand on Lucas' back , and Lucas hugged him back.  
>"Thanks! Although the real star of the show was clearly Haley." Lucas said, smiling over at his friend who looked like she was in an awkward conversation with her foster brother.<p>

"Lucas, Haley's lost so much weight." Nathan said and Lucas nodded.  
>"I know, and I'm worried – but the day you two decided against a relationship, she just closed up. She's completely changed, and no matter how hard I've tried to crack open her shell, she just wont let me all the way in. Its like something has happened which she's too ashamed to admit." Lucas said and Nathan nodded, understanding completely where his brother was coming from.<p>

x

"Well done." He said, and she looked away, hating the fact that her parents had left her with him. She hated spending time with him, and the fact that he had to be here, ruined her day. He placed his hand on her arm, and she shrugged him off.  
>"Don't touch me" She whispered, and he chuckled before walking away. Haley took her graduation cap off and walked over to the bleachers in the gym, sitting down on them and burying her head in her hands.<p>

"Penny for your thoughts?" She heard, and looked up into his piercing blue eyes.  
>"Nathan..." She whispered, and she could feel a small ember of hope turning into a spark.<p> 


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two – I don't know how to believe**

His deep blue eyes pierced through hers, and she felt as if he could see into her soul, she felt as if he could see all the disgusting sins that she was committing. No wonder he left her in the first place, no wonder.

"Nathan..." She whispered, and he smiled at her. Haley's heart ached as she remembered that smile, a memory of which she had buried deep in the back of her mind a long time ago. She got up and walked off, her steps breaking into a run and she ran out of the gym, her heart pounding and her eyes filling with fresh tears.

"Hey!" She heard someone yell, and she spun around, expecting to see his blue eyes. Instead she was greeted with Carl.

x

He dragged her to behind the gym, by the canteen dumpsters and he raped her again. She couldn't believe he would do this to her on this day, on her day. He had completely ruined it. He had ruined her. She couldn't help but sob as he penetrated her forcefully in the ass – a new low for him. Haley could feel herself bleeding and she just didn't know what to do. It was the most painful thing she had ever experienced and she sobbed as he came inside her, his heavy breathing as he collapsed ontop of her made her feel disgusted.

x

Nathan searched everywhere for her. Why had she run out? Where had she gone? He could've sworn that Lucas said that she was supposed to be coming out for a meal with them to celebrate. As he searched around the swimming pool area, he noticed a girl stumble out from behind the dumpsters, and he saw a guy follow her. He couldn't figure out who either of the two were, but he knew that something had just happened. The guy disappeared and the girl stood at the edge of the pool.

Nathan carried on walking, but out of the corner of his eye he could see that the girl was contemplating something horrible. He ran over just as she jumped into the deep end of the pool. He stripped his shirt off and dived in after her, dragging her to the edge of the pool, he pushed her long blonde hair out of her face to reveal Haley.

X

She could feel some strong arms wrap around her, she felt an instant feeling of security and she didn't know why – all she knew that it definitely wasn't Carl's arms who were wrapped around her waist so tight.

She felt a moment of anger towards her rescuer. She didn't want to be saved – if she had wanted to have been saved then she wouldn't have jumped because there was nobody around to save her... or so she had thought. Why shouldn't she be allowed to give up on life? Especially when life had given up on her, or so it seemed. God seemed to have abandoned her at her hour of need, and she had no idea why she still believed in God. Why she believed that He would rescue her from this place of despair. He hadn't done so far, and it had been happening for four years.

But yet, she could feel this little spark of hope that started to burn into a small flame inside of her. As she felt her hair being pushed out of her face, she found herself staring into the eyes of safety. The eyes of concern and love. The eyes that she had fallen in love with all those years ago. The eyes who didn't know that her innocence had been stolen from her, taken at force like a tsunami crashing down on unsuspecting, helpless victims.

"Haley." He whispered, and she could see the confusion and pity rushing into his eyes. "Why did you jump?" He whispered, and Haley just pushed him away, swimming further away from him.  
>"Wanted to swim didn't I?" She tried to lie, but she knew it was too late. He knew she didn't want a swim. She knew that he knew something was up, and she knew that it wouldn't be long before he prized her four year long secret out of her.<p>

x

He helped her out of the pool, and rushed her into the gym. Lucas rushed over immediately, and other students walked over, wondering why their valedictorian was covered in the chlorine-filled-water.  
>"What happened!" Lucas demanded to know, and Nathan just shook his head at him. Lucas could see in Nathan's eyes, that something had happened – something that they shouldn't talk about here, in front of all the students that were standing in awe of Haley.<br>"Just wanted a swim of freedom, didn't I?" Haley made out, and all the students around her clapped. Haley shrugged Nathan's hand from her lower back and walked over to the bleachers. She picked up her bag and Lucas led her to his car so he could take her home to get changed.

Haley looked over to Nathan who stood in the car park looking on. He had worry set into his forehead, and she could tell that he just simply was not going to let it go. That she was going to have to tell him something, or lie at least. Even after all these years, she knew Nathan too well, she knew him inside out, and he was the only person left who had a hope of helping her believe in life's goodness again.


End file.
